Order of the Ceremony
Unless you’ve been married before, chances are that you may not actually have much of an idea of what happens in a marriage ceremony.
Below is a list of a fairly typical order of events in a wedding ceremony, a list of the legal requirements for a ceremony, and a full example script of a ceremony.
Most ceremonies run for between 25-30 minutes. If you want to include readings and rituals, they may go for around 30-35 minutes.
I will write and prepare everything necessary for your ceremony, save for your personal vows; this page is just to give you an idea of how the ceremony will run, and what can be included if you want it to be.
Standard Order of Ceremony Events
A ceremony will always be tailored to you, but as far as a pretty standard ceremony goes, the order may be as follows (bold items denote legal requirements):
a. Housekeeping
Whatever needs to be said goes here, before the ceremony has officially kicked off, and usually includes a reminder for phones to be on silent and put away, or mentioning of family photos happening afterwards. An acknowledgement of Country can also be include here.
b. Entering of parties
Pretty self-explanatory. Whether you’re entering together, one at a time with parents or loved ones, with children, or whether one of you is already in position as the other enters – anything goes. Please note that you can use any song that you like for the entering of the parties in your ceremony, as legally this is considered a private event (the same as playing music in your home if you have people over for your birthday).
c. Introduction
This is where I’ll welcome your guests and set the scene. Generally, an introduction will include some personal touches about the couple, delivered by the celebrant. I may ask you to provide me with some fun information to help write this section to tailor it to the two of you. If you would like to acknowledge any guests in particular, who are present or not present, this can also happen here.
d. Reading (if you want to include one)
If you want to include a reading, it might go here. This is totally optional, and most couples don’t want one. Some people may want a ritual instead of or as well as a reading, too. Whatever floats your boat. Copyright rules may prevent some poems or readings from being allowed, but you can ask me more about this if you need.
e. Love Story
This is one of the best parts of the ceremony, where I’ll talk all about the two of you and your wonderful relationship. Depending on what you request, this can be super detailed and fun, or a little more restrained and formal. For those who don’t feel the need to recap their relationship in their ceremony, there’s plenty of ways around this that still end with a lovely and personalised ceremony that reflects you.
f. Giving Away
Again, totally optional. This can be tailored so that all of the guests present get to yell “We do!” in response to a question posed to them. You can go more traditional and have your family members “give you away”, or you can leave this out altogether!
g. Monitum
This should go towards the beginning of the ceremony, and is a legal requirement that I must say, word for word. More details about this below.
h. Asking (I dos)
This is optional, also. If you do want to include an asking, you can tell me exactly what you’d like me to ask you both so that you can respond with “I do” or “I will”, or I can come up with something (usually along the lines of “Will you take so and so to be your so and so, and will you love and respect them, stand by them, etc.”. Because this isn’t a legal requirement of the ceremony, you can also make this fun and add something like “Do you promise to always bring her coffee before making your own” – whatever you like!
i. Personal Vows
I hand over the mic and the floor is yours for an absolute highlight of everyone’s day!
j. Legal Vows & Exchanging of Rings
This if often done in tandem with the legal vows, with both of you holding the rings in place before each other’s fingers, then putting them on once you’ve said your legal vows.
k. Conclusion & Kiss
This is where I can declare you husband and wife, spouse and spouse, and so on - and then you can kiss!
l. Signing of the Documents
We will move off to the side and sign the three required documents – first the two of you, then your two witnesses, then I sign the documents last. I will present you officially with the marriage certificate.
m. Presentation of Couple
Lastly, I’ll regain the audience’s attention after the signing, and present you to your guests! As this is a non-legal part of the ceremony, I can “present” you to your guests using whatever wording you like (eg. “For the very first time, I now present to you, Mr and Mrs Wolfgang!/the Mrs Wolfgangs!/Mr and Mr Wolfgang!/the Wolfgangs!/the Wolfgang-Salieris!”). Please note that if either or both of you intend to change your surname post-wedding, this must be done separately and the use of a different surname for you at the end of your ceremony does not constitute a legal change of name. You can read more about this on the Births, Deaths and Marriages website.
Now, that all may seem like a lot, but it will fly by!
What MUST be included in the wedding ceremony?
There are THREE things that must be done in a civil marriage ceremony for the wedding to be legal, and the rest is just fluff (excellent, strongly recommended fluff though).
a. The Monitum (legal statement)
This must be said by me, the celebrant, and is a legal statement that declares me eligible to solemnise your marriage in front of you and your witnesses. The exact wording of this statement is as follows (small changes may be made, as shown in brackets):
“I am duly authorised by law (or 'legally registered', or 'the registered marriage celebrant authorised') to solemnise marriages according to law. Before you are joined in marriage in my presence and in the presence of these witnesses, I am to remind you of the solemn (or 'serious' or 'formal') and binding (or 'permanent') nature (or 'promise') of the relationship into which you are now about to enter (or 'formalising' or 'sealing' or 'binding'). Marriage, according to law in Australia, is the union of two people to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life.”
b. Minimum Wording of Vows
You two, the marrying couple, must say the minimum wording of vows. The wording for this is as follows (small changes may be made, as shown in brackets):
“I call upon (or 'ask') the persons (or 'people') here present to witness that I, (name of Person 1) take thee (or 'you') (name of Person 2) to be my lawful wedded (wife/husband/spouse).”
You can add your own personal, written vows after the minimum wording, so long as it doesn’t contradict anything in the statement.
c. Signing the Register
During the ceremony, and after the Monitum and minimum wording of vows have taken place, we will take a moment to sign the wedding register and marriage certificates at a table set up nearby. The couple, their two chosen witnesses and the celebrant must sign all three documents so that everything is official. I will take you through these documents at one of our meetings before the ceremony so that you know what’s happening. And that’s it, it’s official!
Please note that your two witnesses who sign the register must be over the age of 18. They may be related to you, a friend, or even a stranger (though it is definitely preferable that they know you and can attest to your identity). It’s strongly recommended that you ask your chosen two people to be your witnesses before the actual day.
A Note on Rituals & Readings.
If you’d like to include any special rituals or readings on the day, I can help to point you in the right direction and make suggestions. This could include a handfasting, a sand ritual – whatever you like! This is absolutely not necessary, though, and you shouldn’t feel obliged to include a ritual or reading if you don’t feel a strong pull towards one. Please note that some poems or other readings may not be able to included due to copyright reasons.
Do we get to read your full ceremony script before the wedding?
Generally speaking, couples won’t have read the full ceremony script before the day. This is so that you both get to be surprised and (hopefully) delighted by the ceremony as well - especially the introduction, which is usually the part where your guests hear about your “love story”, or whatnot. However, if you would feel better knowing EXACTLY what is going to be said, no worries! Happy to send you a copy before the day and you can let me know if there’s anything you want changed.
What I do suggest that we do, however, is meet up sometime close to the wedding and go over the order of everything for the ceremony. This is a great chance for you to ask me anything that you’re unclear about, for us to sign the No Legal Impediment to Marry document (which only takes a second, and is ideally signed as close to the day of the ceremony as possible), and for us to make sure we’re on the same page about every little detail of the ceremony.
Example of a Full Ceremony Script
Introduction
Ladies and gentlemen, as the sun rises behind me, welcoming us to this beautiful day, I’d also like to welcome you all to this very special ceremony. My name is Jessica Stanley. Today, we are lucky to be gathered here to celebrate the love and union of Kenneth and Janelle, two souls who are about to be joined for life.
For Ken and Janelle, nothing about their courtship was typical. As so many people do nowadays, their relationship began after they met online. Janelle, not interested in “cruising bars”, had turned to internet dating in the hopes of finding someone more her speed. Meanwhile, Ken’s two daughters had, unknowingly to him, created an account for him on the same website. At first reluctant to try it, certain that no women would want to speak to him, Ken soon found himself to be a natural at online dating. A gifted writer and poet, his words quickly caught Janelle’s attention, and from there they began a heated, unstoppable dialogue that kept them up until all hours of the morning and caused them both significant eye strain.
Remarkably, it was nearly a year into their relationship before Ken and Janelle first met. Ken was sure that the online image he had cultivated wouldn’t match Janelle’s real-life expectations, while Janelle was still somewhat afraid that she had been catfished. But, with the help of Kylie and Kim, the two of them finally met, and to nobody’s surprise except their own, they got along in person even better than they did online. While their intellect and special affinity with written words first drew them together, they quickly bonded and their lives intertwined.
Today, we gather to see Ken and Janelle take the next step in their relationship and make a lifelong commitment to each other. As we stand on this beautiful beach, beholding the beauty of the world around us, the special couple would like to knowledge the unconditional love and support that has been given to them by everybody present here.
Giving Away
Love doesn’t need permission to grow. It doesn’t need to follow the path of tradition. But love is sustained by those closest to us, who hold us up in times of need, offer us strength, and listen and share in our joy. A marriage can’t take place without those we love here to witness it. Sometimes, our loved ones can’t be there for us. Whatever takes them away from us, they are always here in spirit.
Who brings this man here today to marry this woman?
Kenneth’s children: We do.
And who brings this woman here today to marry this man?
Janelle’s bridesmaids: We do.
Reading
I’d now like to invite Ken’s daughters, Kylie and Kim, to do a reading.
Poem: Love on the Internet by Dove
Monitum
I am duly authorised by law to solemnise marriages according to law. Before you are joined in marriage in my presence and in the presence of these witnesses, I am to remind you of the solemn and binding nature of the relationship into which you are now about to enter.
Marriage, according to law in Australia, is the union of two people to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life.
Asking
Will you, Kenneth Charles Mason, take Janelle Angela Johnson to be your lawful wedded wife?
Kenneth: I will.
Will you, Janelle Angela Johnson, take Kenneth Charles Mason to be your lawful wedded husband?
Janelle: I will.
Vows
Kenneth and Janelle, words were the foundation of the love that you have built together. Today, you are asked to share some of the words that you have written for one another. It feels particularly fitting that, through your many correspondences, today you get to share your personal vows before your loved ones.
Kenneth
(Legal vows): I call upon the persons here present to witness that I, Kenneth Charles Mason, take thee, Janelle Angela Johnson, to be my lawful wedded wife.
(Personal vows): I don’t quite know how to put into words what you mean to me, Janelle, but I’ll do my best. Words are what brought us together, and what I first fell in love with about you – your ability to evoke such powerful things with just a few words. I love you for the poetry you weave into your everyday life, for the ways that you bring out the best in me. I didn’t think I would ever love again, but then I met you, and realised that it was possible to love even more deeply. You are already a part of my family, and I hope you feel that you are home when you’re with me.
Janelle
(Legal vows): I call upon the persons here present to witness that I, Janelle Angela Johnson, take thee, Kenneth Charles Mason, to be my lawful wedded husband.
(Personal vows): Ken, from the moment you first messaged me, I thought…who is this dork? I quickly realised that, while you are a huge dork, you are also the most thoughtful, kind, loving, hilarious man I have ever met. Meeting the way we did, I got to fall in love with all of the different parts with you before ever even meeting you. And when I met you, I knew I wanted to marry you. Thank you for welcoming me with open arms into your life and into your childrens’ lives. It’s an honour to be a Mason and I couldn’t be happier to have found you when I had nearly given up my search.
Candle Ritual
Kenneth and Janelle, before you are three candles. The first two represent your separate lives, as they have been up to this point, your separate families, separate friends and separate homes. I’d now like to invite the maid of honour and best man to come forward to light these candles.
They do so.
To every guest present on this beach today, you were carefully selected for this intimate ceremony by Ken and Janelle because of how much you have enriched their lives. I’d now ask Tom and Jenny to pass their candles along so that every guest has a chance to hold it and feel its warmth.
The candles are passed between all of the guests and finally back to Kenneth and Janelle.
Ken and Janelle, the love, support and strength of your friends and family are now held in your hands. You may now light your joint candle, symbolising the unity of your lives and souls.
They light the unity candle.
As the candle continues to burn for the rest of the ceremony, it will bring love and light to everyone here, welcoming the sun to this glorious day. When the winds blow it out, its warmth will continue to light your hearts from within.
Rings
Kenneth and Janelle had their wedding rings specially engraved with their favourite literature quotes on the inside of the band. Kenneth, as you place the ring on Janelle’s finger, speak the words written inside the band and pledge your love and unity to her.
Kenneth: (Placing the ring) “Love comforteth like sunshine after rain” (Shakespeare).
Janelle, as you place the ring on Kenneth’s finger, speak the words written inside the band and pledge your love and unity to him.
Janelle: (Placing the ring) “What is love? It is the morning and the evening star” (Sinclair Lewis).
Conclusion
Love is a gift that can come into our lives when we least expect it. If there’s anything to take away from today, it’s that love can come from anywhere, in any form, at any time. Nobody is too old to deserve love, and sometimes, it is because of our wisdom and years that we know a special love when we see it. Today, we have all seen this special love with our own eyes and it is undeniable. You are now husband and wife. Ken, you may now kiss the bride.
Signing
I’d now like to invite the couple and their chosen witnesses over to the signing table to make this thing really official.
Wedding party moves to signing table to sign the certificate.
Presentation
Ladies and gentlemen, it is my great pleasure to now present to you Mr and Mrs Mason!